How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
birth control should be required to get into college
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
