apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
