I hope mine doesn't look like that
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
