Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
