Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
