Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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