Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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