I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
