I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
