I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize