I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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