4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
