My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
