textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
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