It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
