I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize