I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
