he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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