she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
