she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
