I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
