Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
