I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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