i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
