I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
