loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
