my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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