he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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