i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
