Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
