Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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