Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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