This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
