i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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