I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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