woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
