yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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