yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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