She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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