I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
