Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize