3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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