You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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