i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
