I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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