I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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