I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
How does it feel to date your dad?
Randomize
