hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
