My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
