Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
