Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
