I got chris browned last night
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Randomize
