I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
