At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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