Duck Duck Cougar?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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