True but thats because hes a fetus.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
