cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
