Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize