I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
