So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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