I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Randomize
