I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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