i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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