Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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