I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
