There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
