New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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