Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
