This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Randomize
