I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
