i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize