I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
