Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
