Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
