I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
